Hello, Pleasant

it's nice to feel you

My marching band and college years taught me something about gumption and stick-to-it-ness that my mom pointed out the other day. “You are a go-getter,” she said.

It’s true, and I’ve been struggling to hang on to it for a very long time. The thing is, bad luck has been clouding my ability to find my “go-get-it-ness”. But more than that, I think depression has too.

I was prescribed antidepressants a few months ago, and I felt significant relief from anxiety within the first few weeks (so thankful!). When I had a check-in with my doctor several weeks later, I raved about not having anxiety spikes. “But,” I said, “I’m not sure if I’m just a ‘blah’ type of person, or if maybe I’m more depressed than I realize.”

We upped my dosage.

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The outcome of the election hit me like a slap in the face. I was so…… [insert ALL OF THE EMOTIONS].

But one day shortly after, I saw a Facebook Marketplace listing for a bunch of Pleasant Company things (vintage American Girl). It was kind of accidental, but I found myself purchasing the lot with a big goal in mind: to provide Christmas for my daughter for basically nothing (because finances are super tight right now).

As I sat in the floor sifting through the boxes of toys from the 90s with my mom, I found myself distracted from election grief, and pleasantly immersed in sorting. And at some point, I realized I was feeding my soul something I hadn’t had since childhood - innocent, playful joy.

It was more than nostalgic. All the heartwarming feelings. All the “Oh my gosh!”s, “NO WAY”s, and every other phrase of complete shock and disbelief. You know, like a kid on Christmas morning.

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So, I’ve been scouring Facebook Marketplace for several weeks now and sorting dozens and dozens and dozens of American Girl things, and selling them on ebay. I’m feeding my soul through “play”, working hard to provide money for the blasted bills, acquiring Christmas creatively for my kiddo, and embracing my joyful “go-get-it-ness” with antidepressants on my side, along with a support system that encourages me to go for it.

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I’ve never been against taking antidepressants, but I also never realized how much I would personally benefit from them. And I see now that I’ve been surviving with an extra mental burden that was making certain things unnecessarily harder.

I’m not a blah person, I just need a little help. And that help has brought me to a place where I can feel “pleasant” again (and not just because of Pleasant Company toys, ha!). I’m content (which is wild, because we are living in a place on the globe where I find it very hard to be content. But I am content in my spirit differently than before, and that is a welcomed gift, just in time for Christmas

I’m basking in feeling better, and ignoring negative thoughts of shame… “you should have done this sooner.” Instead, I’m embracing it now and waking up every day with a thankful heart, saying to myself, “Wow, I can feel the difference.”

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Here's a reminder to seek different (healthy) ways to feel better if what you've been doing isn't working all that well. ❤️

Take care of yourselves, happy holidays, and I’ll see you all soon.

<3,

Steph/Anie

P.S. We’ve been eating our fill of hand-picked satsumas and they are DELIGHTFUL.